As an ambassador of Young Widows, I have been privileged to have a one-one-one encounter with widows who have been able to shed light on the reasons when a widow moves fast into a new relationship.
Despite being faced with a lot of criticism and stigmatization especially widows from the underdeveloped world, they still see the need to move into a new relationship.
In some places, if a woman moves immediately into another relationship, it is assumed that she killed her husband to be free to engage in prostitution.
It is a known fact that most widows grieve for so long but out of curiosity, people tend to question the secret behind a widow’s immediate rush into a new relationship rather than mourning till a perceived appreciate time before daring to imagine being in a new relationship.
You may want to know the reasons behind this decision and thankfully, this article serves the purpose of bringing to your knowledge.
When a Widow Moves Fast into a New Relationship
A curious Facebook follower Dennis Igwe stated in a comment section of my post “I have seen some women who were not looking happy, fine and healthy but began to blossom and glow after their husbands demise and immediately moved on as if nothing happened, what could be the cause?”
Let’s look at the many factors that influence the choice, pace, and decisions that may make a widow move into a new relationship immediately. This article won’t only address the factors behind When a widow moves fast into a new relationship but also what could trigger a widow to move on immediately to healing in all aspects, restoration, and sound health.
1. Grieving Timeframe
People have different ways of responding or reacting to situations. Personally, it took 5 solid years to overcome the grief of my husband’s demise. At some point, I became a walking corpse and nothing intrigues me. Some concerned fellows probed to know if my husband would have mourned me just as I do to him.
Studies conducted by Bonanno et al in 2014 have shown that the grieving process can take months or even years, and rushing through it can lead to unresolved emotions that may affect future relationships.
A widow who takes a longer time to heal may not move into a relationship immediately, meanwhile, the one with a lesser grief span tends to consider new prospects within a short time of her husband’s demise.
The length and intensity of the grieving process differ for everyone. Some widows may need more time to process their loss and heal emotionally before they feel ready to enter a new relationship.
2. Attachment Bonds
A widow immediately moves on to another relationship if;
- Before the husband died, they were emotionally detached.
- They lived a “double life” so society wouldn’t criticize their actions and decisions.
- They were living in denial while showing the world a different scenario.
- They were living as roommates rather than spouses.
The following characteristics show that they were emotionally detached just like couples in preparation for divorce but the difference here is that they were separated by death.
The more reason divorcees in this case, emotionally detached couples don’t grieve because they have accepted their realities a long time ago and adjusted to the present situation by moving on almost immediately.
So, the widow who moves on very fast has already been separated or divorced from the marriage emotionally. A widow who was not emotionally detached from her late spouse finds it difficult or takes a longer time to detach and move on after the husband’s demise.
In some marriages, emotional intimacy may diminish over time due to various factors such as;
- Unresolved conflicts
- lack of communication
- growing apart.
When a spouse passes away, the surviving partner might have already processed much of the emotional separation. Emotional attachment bonds are ones that we establish with the closest people in our lives, typically, our caregivers, close family, or intimate partners.
Therefore, not every relationship we have will have an attachment bond. Instead, these bonds form in the relationships with people that we need, such as the ones that fulfill basic physical needs (e.g. food and shelter), or emotional needs (e.g. the need to belong)
Attachment bonds or attachment figures are the connections whose absence causes us the most suffering. For this reason, losing an attachment bond is a highly distressing experience, which is usually marked by anxiety and sadness.
A widow’s loss can feel very different depending on the type of relationship and bond that was developed in their marriage.
A widow who is emotionally detached may feel ready to engage in a new relationship sooner because they have already processed much of the emotional separation.
They might find comfort in new companionship and emotional support, feeling that they have mourned the loss of the relationship rather than just the person.
3. Married But Alone
Some marriages continue due to convenience, social expectations, or mutual dependence rather than emotional connection. In such cases, the surviving spouse might not experience the same intensity of grief and may be more ready to pursue new relationships.
A widow who moves fast into a new relationship never had a blissful marriage. She was always lonely though married so the man’s death does not affect her. Perhaps the man was a constant traveler or fell out of love with his wife.
During this time, there must have been a huge gap for the woman to be satisfied with her present stage in life, so as he dies, it probably makes no difference. Of course, you know that we grieve over the people we love.
The widow would say, “his being dead has granted me freedom afterall as he made no impact in my life” and move on to find what she couldn’t get in another relationship.
After a period of prolonged loneliness in marriage, the widow may seek fulfillment and happiness that was missing in the previous marriage. This drive can lead to a quicker pursuit of new romantic connections.
They may be motivated by the desire to experience a relationship that offers emotional intimacy and satisfaction, which was lacking in their prior marriage.
Factors That Contribute to Emotional Detachment and Marital Loneliness
Long-term Illness
When a spouse suffers from a prolonged illness, the emotional connection may weaken as the focus shifts to caregiving responsibilities. The widow might begin the emotional detachment process early, preparing mentally for life without their partner
“People often experience anticipatory grief, which allows them to start processing their loss before the actual death occurs” by Rando
Marital Issues
Persistent marital issues such as infidelity, lack of communication, or constant conflict can erode emotional intimacy. In such scenarios, one or both partners might emotionally detach as a coping mechanism
“Chronic marital dissatisfaction is linked to emotional disengagement, which can lead to a lack of emotional response to a spouse’s death” (Amato & Hohmann-Marriott)
4. No Moral Support
The level of moral support a husband gives to the wife while he is alive determines how fast the widow will move into another relationship. If she had it, there may be lingering feelings of guilt, confusion, or unresolved grief.
In some cases, even when the man cannot provide moral support, he also lacks financial support which worsens the situation of the marriage in which if anything happens, the woman is faster in moving on.
The widow would feel like a heavy burden is off her shoulders. She was widowed even when the man was alive which is why she can move on immediately.
5. Financial Buoyancy
This factor also makes a widow move on immediately. It is a well-known fact that men are the major financiers of homes, so when they die, the burden is too heavy for the woman to bear hence her elongated time of grieve which prevents her from moving on.
On the contrary, if a widow is a widow is financially buoyant, she will confidently manage her resources to fill the gap left by her late husband.
When a widow remembers the financial gaps her husband filled, her grief is far from over but if the woman can fill at least 80% gap left by the husband, she can move on immediately without lamenting too much and dwelling in the past.
However, a widow who is not financially buoyant might rush into a new relationship not for emotional closure but for the man to become a ready financier.
6. Support System
When a widow has a strong support system of family and friends, she is likely to move on to a new relationship because she has been provided the emotional stability needed to consider a new relationship.
A widow surrounded by supportive and understanding loved ones may feel more confident in talking about her new relationship with them which aids her to move on faster.
The best quality of the widow’s marriage also influences how quickly a widow is ready to move on. In some cases, widows who had a blissful marriage would want to have a taste of such bliss with another man hence moving into another relationship fast.
7. Personal Preferences
Some widows may feel a strong need for companionship and emotional support, leading them to seek a new relationship sooner.
Each widow’s emotional and psychological needs are different, and some may want to find a new partner to share their life with. Some widows may naturally find themselves ready to meet someone new without consciously deciding to move on quickly.
8. A Ready and Perfect Fit
A widow who moves immediately into a new relationship has seen a ready and perfect fit for her late husband. She is free to discuss with a potential new partner about feelings, fears, and expectations that trigger her to move immediately. She has found a man that is ready to fill the void. A companion and support system in need and deed.
9. Seeking Fulfillment and Adventure
Younger widows, in particular, may feel unfulfilled in their previous relationships and seek new adventures to fill the gaps in their lives. This desire for fulfillment and new experiences can lead them to pursue new relationships more quickly.
A younger widow might feel that there are still many aspects of love and life to explore and may seek a new partner to experience these adventures with.
Younger widows might feel a profound sense of emptiness and unfulfilled potential, driving them to seek new relationships as a way to bridge these gaps.
Studies have shown that younger individuals tend to have a higher desire for social and emotional fulfillment, which can prompt quicker transitions into new relationships after a significant loss (Stroebe).
10. Social and Biological Factors
Social expectations and biological drives can also play a role in younger widows seeking new relationships. The desire to not miss out on life experiences and to find a compatible partner for future life goals can be strong motivators.
A younger widow might feel the pressure to find a new partner to share future milestones and family aspirations, leading to a faster pursuit of a new relationship.
Factors to Consider When Moving Immediately into a New Relationship
Social Perception: Rapidly entering a new relationship might draw judgment or concern from others who may not understand the pre-existing emotional dynamics. The widow needs to see these perceptions with self-awareness and confidence in their choices.
Advice: Open communication with family and friends about the nature of the previous relationship and the reasons for moving forward can help mitigate misunderstandings.
Emotional Health: Ensuring that the decision to enter a new relationship is based on genuine readiness rather than escapism or societal pressure is crucial for long-term emotional health.
Advice: Seeking counseling or support groups can provide a safe space to explore these emotions and validate the widow’s experiences and choices.
Conclusion
A widow moving quickly into a new relationship may have experienced emotional detachment long before their spouse’s death, effectively ending the relationship emotionally while still cohabiting. Younger widows, in particular, may feel unfulfilled and seek new adventures to fill the gaps in their lives.
Understanding and acknowledging these dynamics is crucial for the widow to navigate their new relationships healthily and for those around them to provide appropriate support and understanding.
Each individual’s journey is unique, and respecting their pace and reasons for moving forward is essential for their well-being and future happiness.
FAQS
How long should a widow wait before dating?
There is no set timeline for when a widow should start dating again. The appropriate time varies for each individual and depends on factors such as emotional readiness, personal circumstances, and the grieving process. It’s essential for the widow to feel emotionally prepared and comfortable with the idea of dating before pursuing a new relationship.
How to get a widow to fall in love with you?
Respect her grieving process and give her time to heal. Be there for her emotionally and show that you care about her well-being. Encourage open and honest communication about her feelings and your intentions. Demonstrate reliability and consistency in your actions. Acknowledge and respect her previous relationship without trying to replace it.
Why do men remarry so quickly after their wife dies?
Men may remarry quickly after their wife dies for several reasons:
Desire for Companionship: Men often seek emotional and physical companionship to cope with loneliness.
Need for Support: They may feel the need for practical and emotional support that a partner provides.
Difficulty Handling Grief Alone: Some men may struggle with the grieving process and find comfort in a new relationship.
Social and Cultural Expectations: Societal norms and cultural expectations may influence the decision to remarry quickly.
What are the challenges faced by widows?
Emotional Grief: Coping with the loss of a spouse and dealing with intense feelings of sadness and loneliness.
Financial Struggles: Managing finances and possible loss of income after the spouse’s death.
Social Isolation: Feeling isolated due to changes in social dynamics and support networks.
Identity and Role Changes: Adjusting to new roles and a changed identity after the loss of a partner.
Parenting Alone: If they have children, they may face the challenge of single parenting and providing emotional support to their children while grieving themselves.
