You may be planning to get married to a widow this summer. You want to build a life together. You love her dearly but the issue you are having is that she is showing signs of running away from the relationship.
Maybe she has insisted during one of your conversations that she should be buried in her first husband’s grave. This must have been heartbreaking. You were upset, and she can’t understand that there is a problem.
This article will help you understand the reasons a widow runs from relationship or is not interested in continuing to be in a relationship. Widows especially the younger ones have a lot of problems which pose a problem for them to be interested in a relationship.
You may be wondering what is it like to be widowed at a young age. What don’t you understand? Is it OK to press on in the relationship, and if so what happens in the future?
Widow Runs From Relationship
1. Feelings of Guilt
If you are dating a widow and she often feels guilty laughing, talking, having sex, or being involved with you, it shows she will soon run away from the relationship due to the feeling of guilt and missing her deceased husband.
You may want to get her back because you are so much in love with her. The truth is that widows feel guilty being with other men other than their late spouse and find it difficult to stay committed in a relationship. It clearly shows that they have not moved on.
She needs time to heal. Some people never, ever heal. Or she might not just want to be interested in another relationship.
2. Unsatisfied Ego
When my maternal grandmother lost her husband, I learned that widows who do not want to be in a relationship often get insatiable ego that may likely not be satisfied. She was 53 but looked young, sexy, and vibrant. She was still very attractive, very active, a mother and grandmother, men came a calling to court her. She sent them all away. When I asked her why, she said my grandfather was so perfect in every way, no man could come close and it would be unfair to be with a man she would always compare to my grandfather. So, she never remarried.
Your widowed girlfriend might feel the same way. I would advise that you should not cajole, push, or pressure her if not, you will regret your actions. A widow that is ready, will always be ready. No time for unnecessary comparison and craving for insatiable conditions. You should also know that a widow who often runs away from a relationship might make you wait so long, so you need to move on, if that happens then it happens.
3. Looking for Her Late Husband in You
Maybe her grieving isn’t keeping her from a relationship. She may have had her fill of love, taking care of her husband and herself. She is on a quest to find her husband in another man hence not being able to get along in the relationship since you are not bear a similar characteristic to her late spouse.
I must confess, it is often a futile and reckless search and they learn the hard way and toughen up.
This factor is one of the most challenging aspects of moving on for a widow is the inevitable comparison between a new partner and the deceased spouse. The late partner often holds a sacred place in the widow’s heart, with memories idealized and cherished. Any new relationship is likely to be measured against the deep bond she once had, creating an unfair standard that the new partner may struggle to meet.
This comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction, not because the new partner is lacking, but because the past relationship was unique and irreplaceable. The widow may find herself unintentionally seeking qualities in a new partner that mirror those of her late spouse, making it difficult to fully appreciate the new person for who they are. This can cause her to retreat from the relationship, feeling that it’s impossible to recreate the love she once had.
4. Little Chance at Love
Another angle a widow runs away from the relationship or feels reluctant to give men a chance in her life is that when she needed succor, a shoulder to cry on, and a man to fill the space in her heart and be a father figure to her children, no man showed interest during the tumultuous three years of widowhood.
Perhaps she was unlucky to meet emotional wreckers, devourers, liars, and manipulators taking turns to suck her dry emotionally, morally, and financially due to her vulnerability.
No man cared to know that she deserved the chance to love and be loved again. All they saw was a desperate and susceptible woman they could have a junk of their piece and walk away. And you know, some broken hearts never mend and this widow is one of those!
She survived those tragic years with only the help of God and a few people who never exploited her in any way. She is out from the sea. The turbulence is quiet. She is now emotionally strong. Dusted, cleaned up, and worn a clean look. It is not easy to just accept to be in a relationship after all this!
5. High Standards or Expectations
A widow might avoid entering or staying in a relationship if she has set exceptionally high standards that she believes no man can meet. These standards could be based on the qualities and attributes of her late husband or an idealized vision of what she thinks she deserves.
She may be waiting for a man who perfectly aligns with these expectations whether it’s emotional depth, financial stability, shared values, or a particular lifestyle. When a new partner doesn’t meet these criteria, she may feel that continuing the relationship isn’t worth it. Consequently, she may choose to withdraw, believing that no one else will live up to the high bar she has set.
6. Focus on Kids
A widow might choose to distance herself from a relationship because her primary focus is on raising her children with intention and care. She may feel that her time, energy, and financial resources are better spent on ensuring her kids grow up in a stable, nurturing environment.
The demands of parenting, particularly when trying to provide for her children alone, can make it difficult for her to invest in a romantic relationship. In her view, building a solid future for her children takes precedence over pursuing new love, and she might put relationships on hold until she feels her children are in a better place.
For a widow, the well-being of her children often takes precedence over her own desires, especially when it comes to entering a new relationship. The concerns are too much:
How will the children react to a new person in their lives?
Will they feel as though their late parent is being replaced?
These questions weigh heavily on a widow’s mind, making her cautious about pursuing a new relationship which makes her run away from any prospective one. She might worry about the impact on her children’s emotional stability and whether they’re ready to accept someone new. Balancing the needs of a new partner with those of her children can feel overwhelming. This internal conflict may lead her to avoid relationships altogether, prioritizing her children’s sense of security and continuity.
7. No Pressure Gang
As a grieving widow myself, I would really object to anyone trying to “proceed” with ideas of a future relationship with me. While our grief is still raw, all we want is friendship, the offer of an occasional helping hand with something we can’t do ourselves, and absolutely NO PRESSURE from anyone about anything.
So stop thinking about yourself and what YOU want, and listen to her. If she doesn’t ask for something, don’t offer, just be there as a friend. And don’t try to put a time frame around this – grieving is purely personal and individual, and does NOT respond to anyone else’s timetable. After 10 years since I lost my love, I would ban FOREVER anyone trying to push me for any kind of relationship.
8. Stucked Forever in the Past
Unfortunately, a lot of widows stay stuck in the past, so they often run away from relationships. If she wasn’t really fond of her late husband, then you have a better chance. Feeling second best, not as loved, or like an invisible person in a widow relationship is common, and is completely unfair of the widow to be in a relationship with you if you’re feeling this way. You will be dealing with a situation where you would be jealous and feel competitive because the late husband will always be in your relationship until she is ready to move on (but perhaps she never will).
A lot of widows who fell in love very early in life and their late spouse was their first love often run away from a relationship. They experience an indescribable unconditional love with their late spouse. They grow old and still dream of him, he visits them in their dreams. They cry for days sometimes, and they wish in their heart for their souls to reunite soonest. This set of widows no matter how hard they try to have relationships, will never work out so they prefer to live alone just waiting for the time their souls can be set free in unity with their late husbands.
A widow, Marion, confessed, “He told me many years ago, in a dream while touching my face and looking into my eyes, “You have to let me go or it will hurt you in the end”, needless to say, I’ve never been able to let go”.
My heart goes out to anyone trying to be in a relationship with this set of widows because they feel they are fortunate to have such a deep connection to another soul and to feel unconditional soul-deep love.
9. Non-committal Attitude
A widow who is not committed or even realizes that she is in a relationship will likely let go of such a relationship. So many therapists say this is normal and the person dating the widow just needs to deal with it, put their own needs aside, and comfort her while she’s grieving. But if she’s still grieving to the point where you don’t feel like the only man in her life, then she should NOT be dating.
She is being selfish. I cannot tell you to get over it, and not have feelings about her. I cannot minimize these issues and shame you for being human and wanting a relationship where you feel you matter. I have lost people I deeply cared for, so I understand loss and grieving. You are alive NOW and in the present moment, on this earth. Her late husband is not.
If she wants to stay in a relationship with a dead person, she will not be pursuing a new relationship with you. If she commits to you and shows you with her actions (not only her words) that she’s excited to start a new life with you and you’re just as important to her as her late husband, then I’d say you have a chance.
10. Social Pressure
A widow is sometimes scared to pursue a new relationship based on the complications of social pressure. Family, friends, or community members may have opinions about what is appropriate or “respectable” timing for moving on. Some might urge her to find happiness again, while others may express disapproval, believing that it’s too soon.
This external judgment can cause a widow to hesitate, fearing criticism or misunderstanding. The weight of societal expectations can make her feel trapped between wanting to honor her late spouse’s memory and the desire to find companionship again. The fear of being judged or misunderstood might lead her to retreat from the idea of a new relationship, even if she feels ready.
11. Self-Doubt
Self-doubt is one of the reasons many widows run away from a new relationship. After the loss of a spouse, she may question her ability to love again or whether she deserves to find happiness with someone new. These doubts are often tied to feelings of guilt, as though moving on is a betrayal of her late spouse.
She may worry about whether she can fully commit to a new partner or if she is emotionally ready to take that step. The fear of not being able to offer the same depth of love as before, or the worry that a new relationship might fail, can lead to a lack of confidence. This self-doubt can cause a widow to push away potential relationships, convinced that she is not ready or deserving of love again.
12. Fear of Losing Again
The fear of losing again can be paralyzing for a widow who has already endured the deep sorrow of losing a spouse. The thought of opening up to someone new only to potentially face the same devastating loss is overwhelming. This fear isn’t just about losing another partner but also about the emotional toll that comes with grieving all over again.
The pain of loss can be so deep that it creates a barrier, making the idea of entering a new relationship seem too risky. The widow may fear that she won’t have the strength to survive another heartbreak, leading her to avoid relationships altogether as a form of self-protection.
13. Emotional Baggage
After the death of a spouse, a widow often carries emotional baggage such as unresolved grief, lingering trauma, and emotions tied to the memories of the deceased partner. These unresolved feelings can make it difficult for her to connect with someone new, as she may feel guilt, confusion, or a sense of betrayal at the idea of loving again.
The emotional scars from the previous relationship may cause her to withdraw, fearing that she isn’t capable of fully investing in a new partnership. This emotional baggage can manifest as reluctance to be vulnerable, difficulty in expressing emotions, or an inability to trust in the stability of a new relationship.
14. Trust Issues
Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship, but for a widow, rebuilding trust with someone new can be difficult especially with those who found it hard to be in a good relationship during their first widowhood trimester.
There might be an underlying fear of being hurt or abandoned again, which can manifest as difficulty in trusting a new partner. This mistrust isn’t necessarily about the new person but stems from the pain and vulnerability experienced in the past. The widow may find herself questioning the motives or intentions of the new partner, fearing betrayal or disappointment. These trust issues can create barriers to forming a deep, meaningful connection, as she might struggle to fully open up or rely on someone else emotionally.
15. Independence
After the loss of a spouse, many widows find themselves adapting to a new life of independence. Over time, they may come to appreciate or even prefer the freedom that comes with being single. This independence can be empowering, offering a sense of control and self-reliance that might have been lost during the partnership.
Entering a new relationship might feel like a threat to this hard-won independence. The thought of compromising or sharing life decisions with someone else can be unsettling, especially if the widow has grown accustomed to making choices solely for herself and her children. This need for independence can lead her to resist the idea of a new relationship, fearing that it might infringe upon her newfound autonomy.
16. Health Issues
Personal or mental health issues can influence a widow to run from having a relationship. The grief and stress of losing a spouse can take a toll on both physical and mental health, leading to conditions like depression, anxiety, or chronic illnesses. These health challenges can make the prospect of a new relationship seem daunting or even impossible.
The widow may worry that she isn’t in a good place to offer the kind of emotional support and partnership that a new relationship requires. The energy and effort needed to manage her health might leave little room for nurturing a new romantic connection. This focus on personal well-being can cause her to prioritize her health over a new relationship, leading to hesitation or withdrawal.
17. Unresolved Feelings
Lingering feelings for the deceased partner are perhaps the most challenging obstacle for a widow considering a new relationship. The love and bond shared with the late spouse don’t simply vanish with their passing; instead, they often remain deeply ingrained in the widow’s heart.
These unresolved feelings can create a sense of guilt or betrayal at the thought of moving forward with someone new. Memories of the past relationship might flood in, causing emotional turmoil and making it difficult to fully invest in a new relationship. These unresolved emotions can create an inner conflict, where the desire to move on is overshadowed by the deep connection to the past, making it hard to embrace a new love fully.
Conclusion
I hope you have an understanding of how it feels to be widowed and be in love. I hope that with the issues raised, you are in a better position to press on in the relationship or let go.
Hopefully, the reasons we’ve discussed for a widow running from a relationship serve as an eye-opener to any man who finds it challenging to capture the attention of a widow he loves. Understanding her circumstances and the emotional issues she faces can guide your approach to being her friend.
If you have any suggestions on other signs of this behavior or have experiences to share, we’d love to hear from you. Your insights could help others in similar situations.
