When Rita Marley, the wife of the legendary Bob Marley, sang “Who Feels It Knows It” after the death of her husband, she captured a universal truth about the pain of loss. Her heartfelt expression of suffering resonates deeply with widows around the world, but it’s especially obvious when considering the experiences of widows in Nigeria.
Widowhood, by its nature, is a deeply challenging and often degrading experience. In many Nigerian cultures, widows face not only the emotional toll of their loss but also severe hardships imposed by societal and familial expectations.
These women frequently encounter mistreatment, neglect, and undue hardship, exacerbating their grief. The plight of widows is marked by poverty and lack of support from those who should be offering compassion and aid.
This article sets the stage for a deeper exploration of widowhood practices in Nigeria, highlighting how cultural and societal norms can significantly impact the lives of those who have lost their spouses.
Widowhood Practices in Nigeria
Widowhood practices in Nigeria are deeply rooted in cultural and traditional beliefs, with significant variations depending on ethnic groups and regions. These practices often reflect societal attitudes toward women, death, and family structures. In many Nigerian cultures, the death of a husband brings with it a set of prescribed rituals and customs for the widow which are oppressive and dehumanizing.
The names used in this article are Nigerian names, chosen to narrate the stories of widowhood practices within the cultural context. These names help ground the experiences and customs discussed, offering a more relatable and authentic depiction of widowhood as it is experienced in various communities across Nigeria.
1. The Mark of Loss
A widowhood rite known as “The Mark of Loss” had been practiced for generations in Nigeria. This rite involves the scarification or scarring of a widow’s face with a knife or razor as a symbol of her mourning and devotion to her departed spouse.
After the death of Nsikak’s husband, her closest friends and female relatives needed to adorn themselves in traditional garments and gather around her in a circle.
Someone in the community likely a woman known for her skill in the art of scarification, holds a sharp blade with ceremonial markings etched into its handle in readiness to perform the procedure while the women chanted ancient prayers, invoking the spirits of the ancestors to watch over Nsikak during the rite.
After a while, with the women’s chants filling the air, the artist makes incisions on Nsikak’s cheeks, creating a pattern that signifies that she is a widow. It was believed that by bearing these scars, Nsikak would forever be connected to her husband’s spirit. The scars were a visible reminder of her dedication to his memory and her role as a guardian of their tribe’s traditions.
Is it necessary to subject a grieving widow to physical pain and permanent scarring to honor her husband’s memory?
Did the scars truly serve a purpose beyond tradition?
I would say that these scars have taken away from the widow her dignity and autonomy.
2. The Tradition of Silence
Widows are known for their resilience and grace upon the heavy burden imposed by an age-old custom. She must not speak out or make a noise unless she is required to cry. Inemesit was requested to keep silent after her husband’s death. She has been wondering about the necessity of this rite.
Why was she, like all the widows in the community, expected to maintain silence except during moments of sorrow?
She keeps pondering over the significance of it symbolizing her dedication to her late husband.
Or was it a way to ensure that the village mourned in a dignified and solemn manner?
She longed for answers.
Inemesit, found herself struggling to survive in silence. When she yearned to share her thoughts or joys, she was stifled by the weight of expectation of the widowhood rites to be SILENT.
Her grief remained bottled up until the designated moments of crying, leaving her feeling isolated and lonely. It’s time to challenge this status quo and allow the widow to find a way to grieve and express herself that better suits her emotional needs.
As I write, a lot of disturbing questions are going through my mind and I desperately need answers.
Why is it necessary for widows to remain silent and only cry when required?
Is there a cultural or historical reason behind this practice?
What benefit does this practice exert during mourning ceremonies?
Is there any significance in the idea of grieving in silence or adhering to traditional gender roles? Because these gruesome acts are not meted out to widowers.
How might following this practice affect the emotional well-being of widows?
How does suppressing their ability to express their grief and emotions freely be of help?
This practice has contributed to the isolation and loneliness experienced by widows, as they are restricted in their communication. This is a reinforced gender stereotypes and notions of submissiveness for widows.
3. The Widow’s Sustenance
Enobong who had recently lost her beloved husband, Uko, in a tragic road accident was subjected to an age-old custom, “The Widow’s Sustenance.” This rite demands that she should be fed by others, and her meals reduced in number, all in the name of honoring her late husband’s spirit.
For centuries, this enigmatic tradition had been upheld, rooted in a blend of folklore, superstition, and community cohesion in most African societies.
Every day, before the dawn’s first light, a group of women from the village would gather at Enobong’s house. They would prepare a simple meal of rice and vegetables, carefully placing it on a banana leaf. As the sun began to rise, they would softly sing hymns, invoking blessings for Enobong and her departed husband.
But here’s the twist: Enobong’s meals gradually diminished in size with each passing week. The community believed that as she received less food, Uko’s spirit would be appeased, allowing him to move on to the afterlife. So, while the intentions behind the rite were rooted in respect and communal support, its consequences were not without controversy.
As time went on, Enobong’s health deteriorated visibly. She grew frail and malnourished, struggling to perform even the simplest tasks.
Where then are the viability and ethics of the rite that insist on the suffering of a widow in the name of tradition?
Is this rite truly necessary as meals are reduced to such an extent?
Did this rite genuinely honor her late husband’s memory, or had it devolved into an unjust ritual that caused unnecessary suffering?
Is there no way to preserve traditions while ensuring the widow’s well-being?
4. Practice of Isolation
In the wake of Itoro’s husband’s passing, she was thrust into a rite of widowhood that was unlike any other. Itoro was now considered untouchable and taboo by people. She was expected to uphold the solemnity of this rite by adhering to strict rules.
She is also expected to go into seclusion for seven days, during which she is not expected to take a bath or change her clothes, she must not receive gifts, pick items up from the floor, or even accept a simple handshake. The weight of these restrictions pressed heavily upon her.
The villagers, out of respect for the rite, kept their distance. Itoro’s heart ached as she watched life carry on around her, but she was bound by the traditions that had governed her people for generations.
Was it right to isolate Itoro in this manner?
Did these restrictions truly honor the memory of her late husband, or did they perpetuate a sense of shame and sorrow that she should not have to bear?
Itoro felt isolated and alone. The absence of human touch and the inability to accept gifts made her mourn not only her husband but also her sense of belonging within the community.
This tradition needs to be reevaluated, allowing widows like Itoro to receive comfort and support during their time of grief.
5. Eating With Dirty Hands
Widows are expected to adhere to a strict ritual that involves eating only with their unwashed left hand and observing fasting periods. This solemn tradition is deeply ingrained in most Nigerian customs.
When a woman lost her husband, she was required to immediately begin this rite. It symbolized her mourning and her separation from the world she once knew as a wife. The left hand, seen as less pure, was used for eating, while the right hand, considered cleaner, was reserved for other tasks.
In some places, the widow will be taken to an isolated place where she will have her food in a broken earthen pot.
Does it truly honor the memory of their deceased husbands, or did it place undue hardship on them?
Widows grew weaker as they struggled to adapt to eating with their left hand, and the fasting periods took a toll on their health.
They equally have complicated health issues eating with unwashed hands.
Is it necessary for widows to endure such a physically and emotionally taxing practice?
6. Trial by Fire
The tradition of the “Trial by Fire” is a widowhood practice to determine the innocence of the widows accused of murder. It was a rite shrouded in mystery, rooted deep in the beliefs of most places in Africa.
Whenever a man dies, suspicion cast long shadows over the community. The accused widow was taken to a clearing in the center of the village, where a large fire blazed, its flames reaching toward the heavens. This was where she would undergo the perilous ordeal to prove her innocence.
The accused widow will stand barefoot on red-hot coals, her feet scorched and blistered. She has to walk across the fiery path to reach a bucket of water placed at the other end.
As they walk through this treacherous journey, they were watched by the people, their faces a mixture of fear and anticipation.
Is the “Trial by Fire” a reliable method of determining guilt or innocence?
This is a cruel and inhumane practice that put innocent widows at risk.
The effects of this rite were both physical and psychological. The widows who walked through the fire endured excruciating pain, and many bore scars for the rest of their lives. Even if they survived and proved their innocence, the trauma haunted them.
It is time to find more humane and accurate ways to investigate alleged killings. Till today, many places in Nigeria hold fast to the belief that the “Trial by Fire” is a sacred and infallible practice.
Is there no better way to administer justice?
I am still burning with questions about the effectiveness and morality of this widowhood rite.
7. Rite of Dethronement
Etieno had just lost her husband, a kind and wise man. His corpse was deposited in the mortuary while Etieno proceeded to inform her husband’s family about the tragic incident.
The unexpected happened. Etieno never knew that she was walking into the trap of widowhood tradition.
As tradition demands, Etieno has to undergo the solemn rite of widowhood.
The elders of the village gathered for a meeting and sent men to confirm the death of their brother.
Etieno was not allowed to leave the village but was led to a designated hut in the family compound. There, she would spend countless days sitting on the ground, her body motionless, to demonstrate her “dethronement” as the wife of the departed man.
She stayed in the room for countless days. Her eyes glistened with tears, but she could not wipe them away because her hands were padded to ensure she could not even scratch an itch that tormentingly crawled on her skin.
She forbidden to touch any object including themselves without defilement. Hence they were given pieces of sticks to scratch theirbodies, while their food was also cooked in old pots rather than those normally used for cooking for other members of the family.
Was this rite really necessary?
What was its purpose in the modern society?
The viability of this age-old tradition was scrutinized and scraped.
The elders defended the rite, explaining that it was meant to honor the memory of the deceased and ensure that the widow remained devoted to his memory.
Are there no better ways to remember and respect the departed without causing physical, psychological, and emotional anguish to the widow?
Most widow’s health deteriorates rapidly due to this rite. They grow weak and malnourished.
Was there a way to preserve these traditions while also ensuring the well-being of those who undergo them?
Could they adapt these customs to fit the changing times?
I pray for a new dawn to approach, one where tradition and compassion would need to coexist for widows.
8. Rite of Sitting on the Floor
Idara never knew she would tread a path she had never imagined. Idara had been married to Ekong, a respected man and revered person in the vicinity where he lived. Their love was deep and their bond unbreakable, or so she thought.
Tragedy struck one fateful day when Ekong went to work and collapsed in the office. His colleagues rushed him to the hospital but he was declared by the doctor “as dead on arrival”.
Word reached his wife and family that Ekong’s life had come to a sudden halt. Idara’s heart shattered into a million pieces, and her world crumbled around her.
As tradition dictated in their village, when a husband passed away, his widow was bound by a solemn rite. Idara, grieving and heartbroken, was told she could no longer sit on chairs or sleep on a bed until her husband was laid to rest. Instead, she must sit on the floor, a symbol of her mourning, until the day of his burial arrives.
Idara accepted this tradition with a heavy heart. She began sitting on the cold, hard ground, surrounded by the support of her fellow villagers who empathized with her grief. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Idara’s back ached from the hardened floor, and her hands bore the scars of the labor she had undertaken in her mourning.
Throughout this trying period, Idara would sit on the floor, her eyes cast downward, thinking about the lovely moments that once filled their home. She was wondering if the rite was a very good way to honor her husband and to ensure that his spirit found peace in the afterlife. She was wondering if the significance of the rite was a mere superstition or if it was real. She had no answers to her thoughts.
Finally, Ekong was buried which was a day Idara would stand up from the floor. She had fulfilled her part in the widow’s rite, and it was time to say her final farewell.
Though the rite had been physically demanding and emotionally strenuous, Idara was happy that she was able to remain strong.
A lot of young widows are not usually lucky because they finish this task and develop health issues.
Imagine yourself sitting on the floor for 24 hours and feeling the weight of the pains inflicted on a widow whose husband’s burial might happen in three months.
Indeed, widows are a special species.
9. The Taboo of Afternoon Sleep for Widows
One intriguing practice that stands out in many societies is the prohibition of afternoon sleep for widows when their husbands are not yet buried.
This practice may seem unusual to outsiders, but the perpetrators see deep cultural and societal meanings. Widows are often expected to exhibit signs of mourning and restraint in their behavior. Daytime sleep may be viewed as a form of laziness or indifference to societal expectations, which is why it is discouraged.
Afternoon sleep is seen as a symbol of relaxation and a break from daily responsibilities, but for a widow, this can be interpreted as a lack of vigilance in fulfilling her duties and obligations to her late husband’s memory, family, or community. Thus, staying awake during the day becomes a sign of dedication and responsibility.
It is believed that afternoon naps may allow the spirits of the deceased to visit or communicate with the living. A widow who takes a nap during this time might be seen as disrespecting or interfering with these spiritual connections, leading to the prohibition.
Despite the evolving revolution, the taboo against afternoon sleep for widows persists in some cultures.
In a modern society, is it suitable for widows to adapt to these customs?
Of what benefits does it have to better their lives?
Do these widows practice this rite to suit their needs and beliefs?
Is this practice a sign of respect for the dead?
Others who find this practice less relevant in their lives, do they get affected in any way?
10. Room Sharing
This Widowhood rite entails the practice of a widow being locked up with her deceased husband’s corpse. The widow has to spend a period of time staying very close to her husband’s body. She stays and sleeps in the same room until her husband is buried. During this time, she is expected to mourn and reflect on the life and times of her spouse.
In some societies, it may be seen as a way to honor the bond between husband and wife, allowing the widow to say her final goodbyes in a private and intimate setting.
It can also serve as a form of purification or cleansing, with the belief that being near the deceased will rid the widow of any negative energies associated with her husband’s passing.
What is your opinion on this rite?
11. Drinking Of Corpse Water
This widowhood rite is what I term the most gruesome rite meted out to a widow. A widow is required to drink the water that was used to wash the corpse of her deceased husband.
This practice is often conducted in certain cultures as a means of testing her innocence or loyalty, following her husband’s death. It is believed that by consuming this water, the widow demonstrates her devotion to her late spouse and her commitment to his memory.
Drinking water that was used to wash a deceased body can pose health risks, as it may contain pathogens or contaminants, potentially leading to illness. Unfortunately, a lot of widows do not survive this rite due to the health impact. I mean how can one drink the water from a corpse?
Science-oriented people know the chemicals used in preserving dead bodies and someone drinks it and is expected to survive?
Oh, my God!
If they could not survive, it is believed that they killed their husbands as such died too as such the rite is seen as a vengeful rite.
A lot of widows that survived this rite never lived a healthy life thereafter as their mental and physical well-being has been severely damaged.
Failure of the widow to perform the rite often results in social stigma, isolation, or even exclusion from the community, which can have long-lasting psychological and social consequences.
12. Wailing
I never cried when my husband died because I was still in shock. In fact, I thought he would resurrect. As I looked at him in the casket, it appeared as if he was sleeping and I was expecting him to get up and disperse the crowd.
The whole episode was like a dream until he was buried. Then it dawned on me that he was truly dead. The wailing pre-widowhood practice does not just require crying or sobbing.
The woman must wail. She must make a prolonged high-pitched cry (to wail is to let loose a long loud cry) at her husband’s death. In the preceding years after his burial, there was no day I never cried. I was depressed for over four years. I was a walking corpse!
Wailing in some Nigerian cultures is seen as a way the widow expresses her grief and sorrow over the loss of her spouse. This public display of mourning carries various cultural and social meanings.
By openly grieving, it is believed that the widow acknowledges the absence of her husband in her life and the community. She has to cry very early each morning and call her husband by his name, this she will do for one month,
As I did not wail publicly even on the burial day, did it signify that I never acknowledged him in my life?
The act of wailing and crying loudly is considered a visible sign of the depth of a woman’s grief. Did my inability to wail publicly signify that there was no gap in my heart?
If a widow doesn’t wail, It is a way of showing the community that she is not sad at the passing of her husband and it also shows that she is happy over her husband’s demise and might probably have a hand in the death of your husband.
Perhaps, that was one of the reasons I was accused of killing him!
This public display of wailing is an expression of sorrow that serves as an invitation for emotional support from family and friends.
If the widow does not wail, sympathizers will not gather, and as such remain alone until the community women use palm fronds and leaves to beat the widow until she lets out a loud cry.
This wailing practice is often seen as a way to pay tribute to the deceased. It is seen as a sign of respect and honor for the life that has been lost.
As I didn’t wail openly, does it mean that I never loved, respected, cherished, and honored his memories?
It is also believed that the wailing paved a smooth path for the dead to cross over safely to the underworld.
In that case, my beloved husband is not in the land of the dead!
While this practice may hold cultural, social, and spiritual significance, it can also be emotionally taxing and overwhelming for the grieving widow. The expectation to wail and cry loudly can add to the emotional burden she is already experiencing.
There should be an understanding that people grieve differently just as in my case. Grieving over a beloved husband is not a one-day thing that you must do to prove some rubbish.
It’s an action that you do voluntarily and involuntarily until you heal. Widows should be allowed to grieve in their authentic manner.
13. Mourning Periods
One of the most prominent rituals that widows are often expected to follow is a lengthy mourning period. The mourning period varies from one community to another, forty days, three months, or four months as the case may be, and the final rites are performed on the widow. This mourning period is seen as a mark of respect for the deceased husband and a demonstration of the widow’s grief.
During this time, widows are often required to wear specific clothing, typically black or white. Black is usually associated with sorrow and mourning, while in some communities, white represents purity and detachment from worldly pleasures.
The widow’s attire is more than just a uniform of mourning—it serves as a visible reminder to the community of her loss and her new social status as a widow. Unfortunately, this attire also often results in isolation, as it signals that the widow is not ready to partake in normal social interactions.
Another notable aspect of this attire is the practice of tying a wrapper over the chest without wearing a blouse. This traditional garment typically consists of a large, often plain, piece of fabric known as a wrapper or “gele,” which is wrapped tightly around the widow’s torso.
The choice to forgo a blouse and wear only the wrapper is deeply symbolic. It represents the widow’s vulnerability and the profound emotional and social upheaval she experiences following her husband’s death. The practice serves as a visible marker of her mourning, indicating to the community that she is in a state of grief. It underscores the widow’s transition from being a wife to a mourner.
Beyond the clothing, widows are also frequently prohibited from participating in any form of social activity during this mourning period. They are expected to refrain from attending celebrations, gatherings, or anything that may be perceived as joyful or festive.
The emotional toll of such an extended period of isolation, coupled with the rituals imposed on them, can be exhausting for widows. They are expected to adhere strictly to these practices, often at the expense of their personal emotional healing.
For many widows, this social exclusion can be particularly painful. It deepens the sense of loneliness they may already feel from the loss of their spouse. The prohibition of engaging in social activities is a physical manifestation of the widow’s grief, but it also reinforces her isolation from the community.
Also, they were to sleep on old mats placed on wooden planks which would be burnt at the end of the mourning period. If a woman dies during the one-year mourning period, she is perceived as being responsible for her husband’s death and therefore commits an abomination
In some cases, the mourning period can leave a widow feeling more like a prisoner of her grief than a person healing from loss. The isolation, restriction, and rituals serve as constant reminders of their changed status and deepen the emotional strain they already endure.
14. Shaving
This ritual involves the shaving of the widow’s pubic hair, the cutting of her fingernails, and the burial of these personal items near the husband’s grave. In some cases, her hair will either be left unkempt.
This practice, while symbolic, can be deeply traumatic for the widow, as it is not just a physical act but a profound representation of loss, grief, and societal expectations. After the burial, the ‘Umuada’ (daughters of the man’s ancestors) will come to shave her hair.
During this ceremony, specific words are spoken as the hair and nails are buried:
“This is your share from the body of your wife, so take and leave her alone, for she has nothing in common with you as from this day that you are given your share.”
These words serve as a formal declaration that the widow is no longer bound to her husband in any way. It is a ritual meant to bring closure, signaling that the husband has received his “share” and is now expected to let go of any claim on the widow, spiritually or emotionally.
The act of shaving and cutting nails represents a symbolic offering of the most personal and intimate parts of the widow’s body to her late husband. It is believed that this severance ritual protects the widow from any lingering spiritual ties that might otherwise affect her life going forward. The burial of these items near the grave is thought to signify the final release of the widow from the marriage, freeing her to move on with her life.
The shaving of the widow’s head is often carried out shortly after the husband’s death, typically by female relatives or elders in the community. The ritual is meant to signify the widow’s separation from her former life as a wife and her new status as someone without a husband. In some cultures, it is believed that the hair holds a connection to her past life and that shaving it off helps sever any lingering bonds between the widow and her deceased spouse.
Hair, for most women, is closely tied to their sense of identity, beauty, and femininity. Being forced to part with it in such a public and ritualistic manner can feel like a stripping away of their dignity. It is often a reminder that the widow no longer belongs to herself—her appearance, actions, and even emotions are being dictated by tradition and societal expectations.
The emotional weight, of the ritual can carry spiritual and superstitious connotations. In some regions, it is believed that the widow’s hair must be shaved off to cleanse her of any lingering spiritual connection to her late husband. This belief can imply that until the ritual is performed, the widow may carry a “bad omen” or that her husband’s spirit might linger around her. As a result, the act of shaving becomes a communal way to “purify” her and ensure that the spirit of the deceased moves on peacefully.
However, this practice can also serve to further alienate the widow. The sudden removal of her hair marks her as visibly different within her community. It can lead to feelings of shame and isolation, especially when combined with other restrictions placed upon her during the mourning period. The shaved head becomes a constant reminder of her loss and her new, often diminished, status in the eyes of society.
In modern times, there has been increasing pushback against this practice, with many women and advocates calling it an outdated and oppressive ritual. As discussions about widowhood rights and gender equality gain more momentum, practices like head-shaving are being scrutinized for the emotional harm they can cause.
For the women who undergo it, the experience can be one of the most painful aspects of widowhood, both physically and emotionally. It highlights the way societal norms and rituals can often add to the burden of grief, rather than providing comfort or healing during an already difficult time.
Cleansing Rituals
In several traditional Nigerian cultures, widows are subjected to “cleansing” rituals, intended to rid them of any perceived “spiritual impurity” following their husband’s death. These rituals, while believed by some to ensure the widow’s purity or free her from any lingering ties to her deceased spouse, can be deeply humiliating and emotionally harmful.
Widows, in their most vulnerable state, are often coerced into participating in these practices. The belief behind such rituals is steeped in superstition—that a widow’s association with her late husband may bring bad luck or negative spiritual consequences unless she is “purified.” This perception places an undue burden on the widow, already overwhelmed by grief, to conform to rituals that often infringe on her dignity and personal rights.
15. Drinking Ritual Potions
In some regions, widows are forced to drink potions or concoctions made by traditional healers, believed to cleanse them internally. These potions are often prepared using herbs, roots, and other natural ingredients thought to possess spiritual powers. The widow is required to drink these mixtures, sometimes multiple times over several days, as part of her cleansing.
While these potions are believed to rid the widow of spiritual contamination, they can be harmful both physically and mentally. The widow, already distressed by the loss of her spouse, must now endure a ritual that often feels dehumanizing. In many cases, widows are not given a choice—they are expected to comply as part of their obligation to tradition, despite any discomfort or skepticism they may feel.
16. Bathing in Specific Water Bodies
Another common cleansing ritual involves the widow bathing in a river or specific body of water. This water is often considered sacred, believed to possess the power to wash away the widow’s “impurities.” The widow is led to these waters, usually at the behest of elders or traditional leaders, and instructed to bathe in a specific manner.
This ritual can be deeply personal and intrusive. Bathing in public or under the supervision of community members adds to the widow’s sense of shame and vulnerability. What might seem to the community as a necessary step for her “purification” often becomes a painful reminder of her isolation, reducing her to an object of ritual rather than respecting her as a grieving individual.
17. Sleeping With Another Man
The most distressing of cleansing rituals, however, involves the widow being forced to sleep with another man—often a relative of her late husband—under the pretext of breaking her spiritual connection to the deceased. Sometimes, ten men will have to lie with the widow after her husband’s death.
This act, euphemistically referred to as “cleansing by intercourse,” is one of the darkest aspects of widowhood practices. The widow, pressured by cultural norms, may be coerced into sleeping with a man as a way to ensure that her husband’s spirit does not haunt her or the family. In some instances, this man is chosen by community elders, leaving the widow with little or no agency in the matter.
This practice is not only deeply traumatic but also a form of sexual exploitation. Forcing a grieving widow into such an act is a violation of her body and her rights. It reinforces the idea that she is somehow “tainted” and must be “purified” through physical submission to another man. This degrading ritual can have lasting emotional scars on the widow, leaving her to feel even more disconnected from society and her own sense of self-worth.
18. Washed in the Night
After the final wailing and mourning period, widows are subjected to a ritual known as being ‘washed’ in the night. This practice is believed to symbolically cleanse and release the spirit of the deceased, allowing it to finally rest. The ritual often involves the widow bathing in special water or undergoing a ceremonial cleansing conducted by traditional practitioners.
This act is seen as a necessary step to ensure that the spirit of the departed is peacefully settled, and it is intended to bring closure to the mourning process. However, this ritual can also be an emotionally charged and physically demanding experience for the widow, adding another layer to her already profound grief.
19. Cleansing the Household
Another important aspect of this ritual is the sweeping of every part of the house. All the dust and debris collected from this process is thrown away at the foot of a plantain tree, symbolizing the disposal of any lingering spiritual or emotional remnants from the deceased. This sweeping signifies a fresh start for the widow and her household, allowing her to move forward free from the shadow of her husband’s death.
The Impact of Cleansing Rituals
These cleansing rituals, far from offering comfort or healing, often compound the trauma of widowhood. Rather than allowing a widow to grieve and adjust to her new reality, they subject her to further indignity and emotional harm. The social pressure to conform to these practices is immense, with many widows feeling they have no choice but to comply in order to avoid ostracism or accusations of bringing misfortune upon their families.
Fortunately, there is growing awareness and opposition to these harmful traditions, particularly in urban areas and among advocates for women’s rights. Legal reforms and social campaigns are increasingly challenging these practices, advocating for the dignity and protection of widows. However, in many rural areas, these rituals continue, deeply embedded in the cultural fabric.
For widows subjected to these rituals, the experience can be dehumanizing, transforming their grief into a public spectacle. The rituals that are meant to offer “cleansing” often leave emotional wounds that can take years to heal, if they heal at all. As discussions about human rights and gender equality advance, it is crucial to continue challenging these practices and advocating for the protection of widows, allowing them to mourn and rebuild their lives without the added burden of harmful traditions.
Accusations of Witchcraft or Blame
In many traditional Nigerian communities, widows often face not only the emotional devastation of losing a spouse but also unjust accusations and blame for their husband’s death. This practice stems from deep-rooted superstitions and societal beliefs that attribute a man’s death to unnatural causes, with widows frequently cast as the culprits. This can result in the widow being ostracized or even accused of witchcraft, forcing her to endure immense social stigma and, in some cases, violent treatment.
Some traditions hold the belief that a widow may have used witchcraft to kill her spouse. These suspicions can arise due to superstitions around death, particularly sudden or unexplained deaths, leading to the widow being scapegoated as the cause. The emotional strain of being wrongly accused adds to the immense grief and hardship widows already face, plunging them into further isolation and vulnerability.
They confront her with questions on how and when the deceased husband died, the circumstances that led to his death, what she did to save him from dying, and her extent of contact with the late husband’s family before his death. Where the explanations are not satisfactory, the widow must drink the water used in bathing the corpse of her husband to prove her innocence. There is no end to the humiliating punishment encountered by widows under the cover of native laws and customs.
20. Ostracized and Marginalized
Once a widow is accused of witchcraft or blame, her position within the community can quickly deteriorate. She may be ostracized by neighbors, friends, and even family members, who no longer wish to associate with someone they believe to be responsible for her husband’s death. Widows in this situation often find themselves completely abandoned, unable to rely on the support networks that were once available to them. In many cases, this rejection is not just emotional but also practical—widows may be denied access to food, shelter, and basic necessities, increasing their vulnerability and poverty.
The fear of being associated with a widow accused of witchcraft is so intense that even close family members may sever ties, leaving her isolated and defenseless. Without a community or support system, these widows face significant challenges in rebuilding their lives, often suffering from depression and despair.
21. Accusations of Bringing Bad Luck
In addition to being labeled as witches, widows may also be seen as harbingers of bad luck, responsible for bringing misfortune upon their families and communities. This belief is especially prevalent in cases where the deceased was a prominent figure or where the cause of death is unclear. The widow, already burdened by her loss, may be viewed as a source of ongoing tragedy, leading to further social exclusion.
Such accusations can result in the widow being shunned in public spaces, barred from participating in communal events, or forced to live on the outskirts of her community. In some cases, this belief in bad luck extends to her children, who may also be stigmatized, compounding the widow’s sense of failure and helplessness as a mother.
22. Violent Practices and Public Shaming
In extreme cases, widows accused of witchcraft or blame may be subjected to violent practices aimed at “proving” their innocence or punishing them for their perceived guilt. These practices can include public shaming, such as being paraded through the streets or forced to endure degrading rituals. In some regions, widows are made to perform acts of self-humiliation, such as crawling on their knees or begging for forgiveness, in front of the community.
Other violent practices may involve physical abuse, where widows are beaten or forced to endure painful tests designed to determine their guilt. This can include being forced to confess to crimes they did not commit under duress, further entrenching the false belief in their culpability.
The psychological toll of such treatment is immense. Widows who endure these rituals are often left with long-lasting trauma, struggling to cope with both the loss of their spouse and the cruelty inflicted upon them by their own communities. The accusation of witchcraft, a baseless and irrational charge, serves to strip these women of their dignity and self-worth, often driving them into isolation and poverty.
23. Oath Taking
As Ogamba, Ebele (2000:15) puts it, “it is almost a common syndrome that widows are accused of being responsible for their partner’s death”. So they establish their innocence through certain acts. Widows are required to take an oath to prove their innocence regarding their husband’s death. This often involves swearing on sacred objects or drinking a concoction prepared by traditional healers. The oath is meant to demonstrate that the widow had no hand in her spouse’s demise. If she refuses, it can be interpreted as an admission of guilt, leading to further persecution, stigma, or ostracization.
Among the Igbo people of Nigeria, the relatives demanded documents relating to the deceased properties including lands, investments, and bank accounts, and the widows were required to take oaths as proof that the knowledge of relevant land and personal property of the deceased were not concealed.
Among the Ibibios, the widow will be asked to confess if she had sex with another man since her husband’s death. She will take an oath and then be able to bathe every night if she is not guilty of sleeping with another man, but if she had sex with another man, that is another issue entirely. Again, she will not plait or comb her hair, after eating twice a day, she will not wash her hands until the following day. After the burial, she will not go to the market, or farm for another six months.
The Need for Change
Despite the cultural entrenchment of these practices, there has been increasing advocacy against the harmful treatment of widows in Nigeria. Women’s rights groups, NGOs, and legal reforms are slowly beginning to challenge these injustices, working to protect widows from accusations of witchcraft and other forms of blame. These efforts are crucial in ensuring that widows are treated with dignity and respect, rather than being victimized by archaic beliefs and traditions.
In order to bring about lasting change, these superstitions must be challenged at both the community and legal levels. Public education and awareness are key components in eradicating harmful widowhood practices, while legal protections need to be strengthened to ensure that no widow is subjected to violence or discrimination based on false accusations. Empowering widows with knowledge of their rights and creating supportive networks will also help to dismantle the social structures that allow these practices to persist.
In the end, widows deserve compassion, support, and a chance to rebuild their lives, not accusations of witchcraft or blame for circumstances beyond their control.
24. Forced Re-marriage or Widow Inheritance
In several Nigerian cultures, widows may be compelled to marry a male relative of their deceased husband, typically a brother, in a practice known as “widow inheritance.” This tradition is seen as a way to keep the family lineage intact and retain control of the family’s wealth and assets. While the practice may have originated as a form of protection for the widow and her children, it often strips her of personal autonomy.
Widows are frequently left with little choice in the matter, forced into marriages they do not desire, and at times subjected to oppressive conditions. In many cases, refusal to comply with this custom can lead to ostracization or denial of inheritance rights, leaving them without support. Although widow inheritance is becoming less common in some areas due to legal reforms and changing societal views, it still persists in many rural and traditional communities.
It is a harsh reality that a wife is often denied the right to inherit her husband’s property. Instead, she is viewed almost as property herself, to be inherited by a male relative of her late husband. This tradition reflects a deeply entrenched belief that the widow’s status is secondary to that of her deceased spouse’s family.
Consequently, in many cases, the widow’s brother-in-law may assume the role of her deceased husband, encroaching upon her personal life and rights. When she resists, her situation can become even more complicated and distressing. As Bernard Jessie observes, “It is women who get the worse deal out of marriage”. This reality shows the severe inequalities faced by widows, particularly in societies where traditional practices still dominate.
Among the Ikwere in Rivers State, the widow will wear a single black mourning cloth for six months and cannot eat with a spoon or a decent plate. At the end of the mourning period, there will be a second burial after which she can remarry.
25. Funeral Demands on Widows
The family of the deceased often presents her with a list of items she must provide for the burial ceremony. This practice stems from traditional beliefs surrounding the proper conduct of funeral rites. The provision of these items is seen as an essential contribution by the widow to honor her husband’s memory and ensure a respectful burial. The list of requirements often includes:
- A goat: Symbolic of wealth and sustenance, the goat is offered as part of the funeral ritual, often for feasting or sacrificial purposes.
- Yams: A staple food in many Nigerian cultures, yams represent prosperity and are offered as a sign of respect to the deceased.
- Drinks: Alcoholic beverages or local brews are often required for the funeral, both to serve guests and to honor traditional libations for the deceased.
- Financial levy: Beyond the material goods, widows may also be expected to contribute money toward the overall funeral expenses, which can be substantial.
26. Outing
The ‘outing’ practice is a significant ritual for widows, marking their transition from mourning to re-entering society. This practice typically involves a change of clothes, often to symbolize a new phase in the widow’s life and a ceremonial trip to the market.
During this outing, the widow is usually dressed in specific attire that signifies her shift from a state of mourning. She is then led to the market, where she may engage in various activities, such as buying goods or simply being present in public spaces.
This ritual serves multiple purposes: it is believed to help the widow reintegrate into the community, signify the end of her mourning period, and demonstrate her readiness to move forward with her life.
However, the outing can also be a public display that exposes the widow to scrutiny and judgment from the community. It reinforces the social expectations placed upon widows to adhere to traditional practices, even as they navigate their personal grief and transition back into everyday life.
27. Confiscation of Properties
A study by Ilozue using Lagos State in Nigeria as a case study reveals the complex dynamics that influence how a widow is treated after her husband’s death. According to Ilozue, the issue often boils down to the presence of greedy family members who may seek to exploit the situation for their own gain. These individuals might try to seize the deceased’s property from the widow, particularly if they perceive an opportunity to do so.
Moreover, the widow’s relationship with her in-laws while her husband was alive can significantly impact her treatment after his death. If she had a strained or contentious relationship with the family, there is a risk that her in-laws might use her husband’s death as a pretext to claim his assets and evict her from the home. Conversely, if her relationship with the family was positive and respectful, they may be less inclined to dispossess her or take advantage of her situation.
Ilozue’s findings highlight that the way a widow is treated regarding property is not solely based on legal entitlements but is heavily influenced by personal relationships and family dynamics. The widow’s past behavior and the family’s disposition towards her play crucial roles in determining whether she retains her rights to her late husband’s property or faces unjust dispossession.
Among the Ikwere in Rivers State, the man’s extended family assumes instant control of his belongings when he dies.
Public Bathing and Final Separation Rituals
In certain Nigerian widowhood practices, a public bathing ritual marks the final stage of separation between the widow and her deceased husband. This ritual is performed by other women in the community, symbolizing the widow’s complete disconnection from her former marital life.
28. The Public Bathing Ceremony
As part of this separation process, the widow is bathed in public by older women. The act of bathing in front of others is deeply symbolic, representing a cleansing of her past life and a rebirth into widowhood. The public nature of this ceremony adds a level of vulnerability, as the widow’s grief is exposed for all to witness. It also reflects the communal aspect of mourning and transition in these cultural practices, where the community plays an active role in guiding the widow through her transformation.
29. Separation of Children
In addition to the widow’s cleansing, rites are also performed to symbolically separate her children from their deceased father. One such ritual involves the widow purchasing a dead, dried young chick, which is then used to brush the children’s bodies. This act is intended to “sweep away” any spiritual connection the children may still have with their father, ensuring that they are also released from the influence of the departed.
30. The Rituals of Widowhood Celebration
Among the Ibibios, when it is time for a widow to formally mark her transition into widowhood, a significant and symbolic ceremony takes place. In one such traditional practice, women from the community gather to anoint the widow’s body with a substance called ‘Iduot.’ Dressed only in a sackcloth, she is then required to go to the market, her body and hair uncovered, as part of the ritual.
Before leaving, she is given four small sticks to hold in her hands and a particular leaf called “Ofuho,” which she places in her mouth to prevent her from speaking. Accompanied by other women, the widow approaches the market but does not enter it herself. Instead, she beckons to someone outside, gives them money, and instructs them to purchase the items on her behalf.
Upon returning home, her head is shaved with a razor, and traditional markings are made on her body. This is a significant moment of transformation, but the true celebration comes the following day.
On this day, her sackcloth is replaced with a wrapper, symbolizing her readiness for the next phase of life. A hen is used to ceremonially cleanse her entire body, and she is asked to name someone who will symbolically divorce her from her late husband. This person must provide yams, a fowl, palm wine, snuff, kola nuts, and money in exchange.
The celebration continues with dancing, drumming, and singing as the widow is paraded to the market, accompanied by men, women, and musicians. People offer her gifts, money, and food items as tokens of support and recognition. After the market procession, everyone returns to her home, where they are served food and drinks to conclude the festivities.
With these rituals completed, the widow is finally considered free. She can now visit the stream, return to the farm, or go to the market—fully integrated back into society after a period of mourning and ritual cleansing. This marks her official reentry into the community, signifying both the end of her mourning and the start of her new life as a widow.
31. Sleeping or Sitting Next to the Corpse
One of the more emotionally taxing widowhood practices in some Nigerian cultures involves the widow being mandated to sleep or sit next to her deceased husband’s corpse. The widow is expected to spend time beside the body, lying on a mat or sitting close by. This practice is meant to symbolize her final moments of “companionship” with her husband, honoring him in death as she did in life. It is also seen as a sign of respect for the deceased, allowing the widow to bid her final goodbye in a deeply personal way.
While some view it as an act of love and duty, the emotional toll it takes on the widow can be overwhelming, particularly as it forces her to face the harsh reality of her loss in an intimate and often distressing manner.
32. Forced to Take a Bath on Her Husband’s Grave
Another shocking widowhood ritual practiced in some areas of Nigeria involves the widow being forced to bathe on her husband’s grave. In this custom, after the husband’s burial, the widow is made to stand on or near the grave and take a bath, often with little to no clothing. Afterward, she must run back naked into the house.
This act is believed to sever the widow’s spiritual connection to her deceased husband. It is thought that through this bath, she washes away the bond she had with him, allowing her to move forward without the spirit of the deceased clinging to her. This ritual can be both humiliating and traumatic, adding a layer of public shame to an already painful situation.
33. Dropping of Condolence Gifts on the Ground
In some Nigerian communities, when people come to offer their condolences, they do so by dropping gifts, particularly monetary ones, on the ground rather than placing them directly in the widow’s hands. The belief behind this practice is that the widow, being in a state of impurity following her husband’s death, is considered “unclean” and therefore unfit to receive gifts hand-to-hand. This form of distancing the widow from physical interaction further ostracizes her from normal human interaction, reinforcing the idea of her uncleanliness and isolation during the mourning period.
This practice can deepen the widow’s feelings of shame and unworthiness, as she is constantly reminded of her socially “contaminated” state.
34. The Widow Takes No Bath Until After the Burial of the Corpse
In some cultures, widows are forbidden from bathing until after their husband’s burial. This form of self-denial is seen as a sign of deep mourning and respect for the deceased. The widow must remain unwashed as a symbolic act of grief, refraining from basic hygiene to demonstrate her sorrow and devotion to her late husband.
This can be an incredibly uncomfortable and dehumanizing experience, particularly when the period between death and burial is extended. The widow’s physical discomfort becomes a visible symbol of her emotional pain, as she is forced to carry the outward marks of her grief.
35. Crawling Over the Husband’s Corpse
One of the most harrowing rituals a widow may be forced to undergo involves crawling over her husband’s corpse. This act, which takes place either before burial or during the funeral proceedings, is believed to symbolically mark the widow’s submission to her husband’s death. It is also seen as a gesture of humility and obedience, demonstrating her continued respect for him, even in death.
The practice can be degrading and traumatic, forcing the widow to physically come into contact with her deceased husband’s body in a way that may be deeply distressing. Additionally, this ritual reinforces her role as subservient and powerless in the face of cultural expectations, leaving her with little room to assert her own feelings or rights.
Together, these widowhood practices paint a grim picture of the emotional, physical, and social burdens placed on widows in certain parts of Nigeria. They not only strip the widow of her dignity and agency but also perpetuate a cycle of stigma and isolation during one of the most vulnerable periods of her life.
36. Compulsory Fasting on the Day of Her Husband’s Burial
In certain Nigerian cultures, widows are compelled to fast on the day of their husband’s burial. This practice is meant to symbolize deep mourning, sacrifice, and respect for the deceased. By abstaining from food and drink, the widow is believed to be demonstrating her grief in a tangible way, showing her emotional and physical dedication to the memory of her late husband.
The fast often lasts until the burial is complete, adding physical strain to the widow’s emotional burden. Given the intense grief she is already experiencing, the added requirement of fasting can further weaken her, both physically and mentally. For many widows, this compulsory fast can feel like an unfair expectation, particularly during a time when they are already grappling with profound sorrow and stress.
This ritual underscores the widow’s role as the primary mourner, requiring her to adhere to traditional expectations, regardless of her own emotional and physical needs. The act of fasting becomes yet another layer of mourning, heightening the widow’s sense of isolation and sacrifice during a deeply painful period.
37. Prevention of Shaking Hands by the Widow
This restriction stems from the belief that she is considered “unclean” following her husband’s death, and physical contact is avoided to prevent the perceived spread of her impurity. Additionally, it serves as a mark of her mourning status, symbolizing her isolation and the gravity of her loss.
The widow is also not allowed to receive gifts directly into her hands, and monetary condolence offerings are dropped on the ground instead, reinforcing the idea of her separation from normal social interactions during this period.
This practice, though less common in urbanized areas, persists in certain rural communities where traditional customs still strongly dictate social behavior.
Reasons for the Prevalence of Widowhood Practices in Nigeria
Widowhood practices, despite their often harsh and dehumanizing nature, continue to prevail in many Nigerian cultures for several reasons. Here are some key reasons for their prevalence:
1. Cultural Tradition and Beliefs
One of the primary reasons these widowhood practices persist is the strong influence of traditional customs. Many communities believe that these rituals honor the deceased and protect the living from spiritual harm. The idea that a widow must be cleansed of her late husband’s spirit, through acts like head shaving or ritual cleansing, is believed to ensure the wellbeing of the family and community. Deviating from these traditions is often viewed as disrespectful to both the deceased and the ancestors.
2. Patriarchal Society
Nigeria, like many other African countries, is largely patriarchal. This system places men at the center of decision-making, property rights, and inheritance laws. As a result, women, particularly widows, often find themselves disempowered and vulnerable. In such societies, widowhood practices are a way of exerting control over women, often forcing them into submission and maintaining male dominance within the family or community.
3. Socio-Economic Dependence
In many parts of Nigeria, women rely on their husbands for economic support. Upon the death of their spouse, widows are left without financial independence and, in some cases, are even stripped of their husband’s property. This economic vulnerability makes it difficult for widows to challenge these practices, as they often depend on their in-laws or the community for survival. Widow inheritance and other oppressive practices are seen as a way to keep family wealth within the clan, further reinforcing these rituals.
4. Fear of Spiritual Consequences
Widows are often made to participate in these practices out of fear of spiritual or supernatural consequences. The belief that not performing the appropriate rituals could result in curses, bad luck, or sickness is deeply ingrained in many communities. The rituals, such as shaving the widow’s head or performing cleansing ceremonies, are believed to remove the widow’s supposed spiritual impurity and ensure that the deceased husband’s spirit is at peace.
5. Social Pressure and Community Expectations
Widows often undergo these harsh practices due to pressure from family and community members. Social ostracization or being labeled as cursed are powerful motivators. Refusing to adhere to widowhood rites can result in social isolation or accusations of witchcraft, as many believe that failing to follow these rituals disrespects the community’s values and threatens social harmony.
6. Ignorance of Legal Rights
Many widows are unaware of their legal rights, especially in rural areas where access to education and legal resources is limited. Even though Nigerian law provides for the protection of widows and their rights to inheritance, the enforcement of these laws is weak in many traditional communities. As a result, many widows do not challenge oppressive practices simply because they are unaware that they can, legally and culturally.
7. Resistance to Change
The deep-rooted nature of widowhood practices in many Nigerian communities makes them resistant to change. Elders and traditional leaders, who are often the custodians of these practices, may resist modernization or external influence. They may view calls for reform or the abandonment of widowhood rites as a threat to their cultural heritage, making it difficult to eliminate these practices.
8. Superstitious Beliefs
There is a widespread belief in African societies including Nigeria that without all these rites and practices, the spirit of the dead man will not have rest, instead, his soul will be wandering around and in some cases, the dead man’s spirit will be destroying things and hurting people in the community. So, the wife has to go through all these widowhood practices to appease the dead.
9. State of Joblessness of the Wife
This is another contributory factor, where wives depend solely on their husbands for survival. This usually placed them at an abject poverty level after the death of their husbands as other members of the extended family would want to lay claim to the deceased husband’s properties. If women were economically empowered, they would be able to stand up and refuse to compromise with these obnoxious widowhood practices.
10. Lack of Education
Ignorance, people say, is a disease. Most of the women who are victims of these widowhood practices believe in their culture and are very hard to convince. Also, there are still some sections of the country that do not strongly believe in educating girls. An educated woman would not succumb to being abused and be maltreated as a widow. Education of the girl child therefore becomes very important as it may serve as future security against various forms of violence against women, especially widowhood practices.
11. Failure of Men to Write a Will
Most husbands do not bother to write a will before their death and when a mere suggestion is made by the wife, this might attract a village or family council meeting on the basis that she is planning to kill the husband so as to inherit his properties. Lack of any written will pertaining to the inheritance of properties will place the wife in a disadvantaged position since the in-laws would want to confiscate their brother’s properties, show antagonism to the wife, and evict her from the family house.
12. Lack of Respect for Womenfolk
This is another cause of these obnoxious practices. Africa is being seen to be “a man’s world’’, due to our patriarchal background therefore, women are being treated as an article, like chattel that was purchased, which you can drop or transfer. This belief makes the in-laws treat the wife without respect when the husband dies.
13. Bad Character of the Wife
Though traditionally this should not be a reason, the attitude of the wife contributes to the kind of treatment she will receive from the in-laws at the death of her husband. If a woman is of no good attitude, the in-laws use the avenue (these practices) to get their own pound of flesh.
Conclusion
While civilization and modern societal values have begun to shape perceptions and practices around widowhood in Nigeria, many communities continue to engage in these traditional rituals, albeit at a reduced intensity. The practices are deeply rooted in cultural beliefs and continue to influence the way widows are treated.
Despite growing awareness and advocacy for change, complete eradication of these widowhood practices remains a challenge, especially in rural areas where customs hold significant sway.
The gradual shift in attitudes toward more humane and respectful treatment of widows is a positive sign, but it is clear that much work remains to be done before these harmful traditions are fully left behind.
The surprising aspect of these widowhood practices is the glaring gender disparity—widowers are not subjected to the same level of harsh or demeaning treatment. While widows are often isolated, prohibited from shaking hands, or deemed “unclean,” their male counterparts are largely spared from such rituals.
This double standard reflects deep-rooted patriarchal norms in many cultures, where the burden of mourning and the consequences of a spouse’s death fall disproportionately on women. Widowers, in most cases, continue with their daily lives relatively unimpeded, highlighting the imbalance in how grief and loss are socially managed based on gender.